Monroe Chat

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.


Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier' AMEN!


And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

PSALM 2009 - 2012
FIRST BOOK OF DEMOCRAT
OBAMA IS A SHEPHERD,
I SHALL NOT WANT.
HE LEADETH ME BESIDE STILL FACTORIES.
HE RESTORETH MY FAITH IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
HE GUIDETH ME IN THE PATH OF UNEMPLOYMENT.
YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE BREAD LINE,
I SHALL NOT GO HUNGRY.
OBAMA HAS ANOINTED MY INCOME WITH TAXES,
MY EXPENSES RUNNETH OVER MY INCOME,
SURELY, POVERTY AND HARD LIVING WILL FOLLOW ME
ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE.
AND I WILL LIVE FOREVER
IN A RENTED HOME.
BUT I AM GLAD I AM AN AMERICAN,
I AM GLAD THAT I AM FREE.
BUT I WISH I WAS A DOG
AND OBAMA WAS A TREE.


An oldie but still cute


GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!


There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother

2. He liked Gospel

3. He didn't get a fair trial



But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business

2. He lived at home until he was 33

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God



But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands

2. He had wine with His meals

3. He used olive oil



But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair

2. He walked around barefoot all the time

3. He started a new religion



But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature

2. He ate a lot of fish

3. He talked about the Great Spirit


But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.


But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it

3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do



Can I get an
AMEN!!